For Family Lawyers | Beyond Crisis™ Professional Resource Series Trauma: Why Might a Survivor Minimize the Abuse During Family Court Proceedings?
- Aug 4
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 5
A female client who has experienced sexual trauma may express concerns about protecting the other parent, even when she has described experiences of harm within the relationship.
This may leave Family Lawyers wondering:
“Why is my client worried about protecting someone who caused harm?”
“Why does she seem concerned about his consequences?”
“How can I support my client while respecting her role as a parent?”
These questions matter.
Understanding the Complexity of Relationships After Trauma
A female survivor’s relationship with the person who caused harm may involve complex emotions and experiences.
A client may say:
“I don’t want him to get in trouble.”
“I don’t want the children to lose their father.”
“I don’t want to make things worse.”
These statements do not necessarily mean that the harm was insignificant or that the survivor does not recognize what occurred.
For some survivors, relationships may include attachment, love, fear, financial concerns, parenting responsibilities, or hope that circumstances can change.
Research on trauma and abusive relationships has shown that survivors may experience complex emotional responses toward those who have caused harm, particularly when there are ongoing relationships, shared children, or concerns about safety and stability (Herman, 1992; Stark, 2007).
When Parenting Becomes Part of the Decision
For many female survivors, being a parent is an important part of their identity.
Concerns about the other parent may be connected to worries about:
how separation will affect children;
whether children will lose an important relationship;
conflict increasing between parents;
financial or practical consequences;
the emotional impact of family changes.
A trauma-informed approach recognizes that a survivor may be holding multiple concerns at the same time.
She may be processing her own experiences while also thinking about her children, the other parent, and the future.
Understanding Without Making Assumptions
A trauma-informed approach does not mean assuming why a client feels protective or determining what decision she should make.
It means recognizing that survivors may navigate complicated emotions and competing priorities after experiencing sexual trauma.
For Family Lawyers, this may include creating space to explore:
What concerns are influencing your client’s decisions?
What does safety mean for your client and her children?
Does your client feel able to make decisions freely?
Supporting your client does not mean removing her autonomy.
It means ensuring she has clear information, understands her legal options, and has space to make informed decisions.
The Role of Specialized Sexual Trauma Counselling
Family Lawyers play an important role in supporting clients through complex legal processes.
However, they are not expected to provide sexual trauma counselling.
Specialized sexual trauma counselling can provide female survivors with a confidential space to explore the impact of sexual trauma, relationships, boundaries, safety, and emotional wellbeing.
Supporting your client through the legal process and providing specialized sexual trauma counselling are different roles—but they can work together.
When appropriate, collaboration with a trauma-informed counselling provider specializing in sexual abuse and sexual assault may offer additional support for female survivors as they navigate the mental health impacts of sexual trauma.
At Beyond Crisis™, we provide specialized trauma-informed counselling for women and teen girls (14+) who have experienced childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault.
Referrals, collaboration opportunities, and new client inquiries are currently welcomed. To discuss referrals or connect with our team, please contact us at:
A Moment for Reflection
How might my approach change if I considered that my client may be trying to balance her own safety, her children’s needs, and complex feelings about the other parent at the same time?
About the Author
Nada Johnson, BA, MSW, RSW
Founder, Clinical Director, Sexual Trauma Therapist
Beyond Crisis™ Professional Resource Series is a professional resource series developed by Nada Johnson, Founder and Clinical Director of our sexual trauma counselling specialty clinic within our broader private practice at Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services. These series are for professionals supporting teen girls (14+) and women healing from the impacts of sexual abuse and sexual assault as well as couples and families impacted by sexual trauma. The focus is on exploring common questions, clinical considerations, and reflections related to sexual trauma recovery and specialized sexual trauma counselling.
References
Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
Stark, E. (2007). Coercive Control: The Entrapment of Women in Personal Life. Oxford University Press
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and reflects a trauma-informed counselling perspective. It does not provide legal advice, clinical advice, clinical consultation, or guidance on legal strategy.
